A Daily Orgasm?

S/N: I’m aware that it’s been a while since I last posted anything on this blog. Sorry ’bout that, folks. Life and commitments to other things can share that blame. Anyway, I figured I may as well return to posting here with this helpful PSA (public service announcement) which some, if not many of you, will appreciate!
Kool? Aight, let’s roll!

Life too short not to orgasm dailySeriously, folks. Either GIVE yourself one or GET yourself one – and do so each day, if and when possible.

CHECK IT: An orgasm is healthy as fuck. We all need one, although many of us probably know a few people who need an orgasm much more than we do! Your STATE OF MIND will appreciate it! Your ATTITUDE, if negative, will improve – even if temporarily! And your BODY will thank you!

Don’t knock the message I’ve posted. I simply believe in keeping things on thegrown ‘n sexy level; you feel me? To know me is to know that I practice what I preach; most certainly and quite shamelessly and unapologetically on the sexual level! And if you can’t relate to the message here then perhaps there’s no hope for you nor for that matter, anything else about you.

– RobFather X

#GrownNSexy #Messages4MatureAdults

A Man’s Life (Part 3) EDITED for “porn”*

*NOTE: This is an EDITED version of the original Part 3 of the Keepin’ It…Real blog series, A Man’s Life. The people who host this blog had a fuckin’ problem with some of the images being pornographic in nature and/or one of my esteemed enemies reported the article to get back at me. Whatever the fuck, the so-called “porn” is gone. I hope every prudish muthafucker is happy and has an itchy asshole for the rest of their lives. Fuck them and fuck censorship!
Click here to read Part 2 and here to read Part 1.
BM_nude chillin' (1)Hey fellas…and ladies in the room!
In Part 2 of this series, we got a little more in detail about using masturbation to relieve stress and how a man can improve his erections, ejaculations and orgasms with Kegel exercises. Let’s continue where we left off as we begin to close this chapter on male masturbation in the Keepin’ It…Real! series, A Man’s Life.

Male Masturbation: Edging
What is edging?  Well, many of you will read a lot of material giving definition to this term but I’m going to try to keep it as simple as possible for KIR readers – particularly some of you female readers who don’t know about edging or those men who may never have heard of edging or have done it. It should be noted that not every sexually active and mature male is familiar with all the terms and/or techniques related to male sexuality.

Edging is a form of orgasm control in men. When we masturbate or when we fuck, we use this technique to keep us from getting to the PONR or point of no return before we are ready. The PONR is that moment where ejaculation and/or orgasm are inevitable.  We either masturbate – or fuck our partner (orally, vaginally or anally), until we reach a certain plateau of pleasure towards a near-orgasmic state – or right up to the edge of that point, then we hold back or ease up that stroking/fucking until the feeling to ejaculate and/or orgasm subsides. When we continue to do this repeatedly for an extended period we are, in effect, riding the edge of our pending orgasm. That simply is what we call edging. It’s very pleasurable and, us being men, very self-challenging! By edging – and the longer we take in edging – again, keeping ourselves from getting to the PONR, we are able to build up our orgasmic pleasure – and quite possibly, our force of ejaculation and volume of semen. I have yet to meet or talk to the man who doesn’t take some pleasure and pride in having an intense orgasmic state or an increase in the volume of his semen or cum load. The edging and ejaculation experience is best achieved if a man does not have any urge to urinate. I recommend guys always pee before settling down to jerk off or have sex.
**NOTE: If you have sex with someone WITHOUT wearing a condom (in gay-speak, this is known as bareback sex or barebacking), you should always pee immediately afterwards – regardless of whether or not you’ve ejaculated.

I need to reiterate: edging is not restricted to masturbation. We might also try edging whenever we are having some form of intercourse. The next time you and your man fuck or you suck his cock, try to notice when and/or the number of times he pauses in mid-stroke or when he says to you something like, “Hold up…” (from sucking or riding his cock). It’s very likely your man is edging. Edging, in the goon state of ecstasyHe’s simply trying not to have an orgasm or ejaculate sooner than he is ready…that is, he is trying to delay his reaching the PONR or the urge to cum or reach orgasm. The longer a man does that, the better it is for him…and for you! Keep in mind that some men come or have an orgasm sooner – and a bit differently from other men. Mastery over edging is yet another benefit of masturbation and of the Kegel exercises for men discussed in A Man’s Life (Part 2). The more a reasonably healthy man does his Kegels and practices his edging skills, the longer he should be able to sustain his erection, improve his ejaculatory [PONR] control and the force of his ejaculation, intensify his orgasm and possibly experience those “secondary post-orgasmic waves” mentioned in A Man’s Life (Part 2). After I’ve had such an intense orgasm – brought on by long periods of edging, I often do not want to move for several minutes as the slightest motion triggers within me, medium to slight pings or waves of orgasmic pleasure. And, like many men, I have fallen asleep shortly after orgasm, with cum on my torso and/or elsewhere on my body. Edge-goon experience (RFXP)Some of us, while we’re edging and in the goon or gooning state, have to be careful that we don’t ejaculate too soon or before we’re ready. Unless a man is in a rush simply to “bust a nutt” (have an orgasm), he’s going to want to enjoy the feeling that edging gives him as long as he can. Again, the point of edging is for a man to bring himself to the highest point of sensual and sexual pleasure he can withstand – stop, then repeat that same action as often as possible before allowing himself to go over the edge and hit ejaculation and orgasm.

Male Masturbation: The Perineum
When most men masturbate, they often use one hand to massage their cock and use the other to caress or massage, tease or play with other parts of his body, such as the testicles, chest nipples, the perineum (or taint, as it often called), and/or his anus. Since I assume that there might be a few readers looking cross-eyed at the word “perineum”/“taint”, let me explain what that is. The perineum is the area of skin between the legs of both men and women. It is an area rich in nerve endings. In men, this area extends from the base of the testicles to the anus. (See photo) For you ladies, the perineum extends from your vaginal opening to the anus.  During masturbation, many guys like to touch – or have someone touch, stroke or massage this region due to the pleasurable sensation such stimulation brings to enhance sexual arousal. During masturbation, while massaging the perineum, we will also touch and play with our anus at the same time, often inserting a finger or two or a dildo-like device in the anus to further enhance our sexual pleasure. If we are with a partner, we often may have him or her massage or stimulate this area for us. Now, I shouldn’t have to say this but I’m going to anyway:
Contrary to the silly beliefs of some naïve people, a heterosexual man who enjoys the pleasure brought on by playing with his anus or having his female partner play with his anus, has necessarily nothing whatsoever to do with that particular man’s sexual orientation. There is nothing “gay” or anything shameful in a man playing with his anus or having his partner play with it during masturbation and/or partner sexual activity.
Heterosexual men having such concerns would do well to dismiss them and do all he can as a man to find and enjoy – or have his partner help him find and enjoy – the manyMale erogenous zones erogenous zones of his body – even those found in the crack of his ass. Remember, it’s just sex with yourself – or with a consenting partner of legal age, so go ahead and enjoy!
To make stimulation of this region smoother and more comfortable, it is often helpful to lubricate your fingers before stroking the perineum and anus during masturbation or lovemaking. Because this kind of stimulation is often associated with insertion of the finger in the anus (or ladies, your vagina) you may use your own natural lubricants, such as saliva or better yet, pre-ejaculate fluid aka precum, which is much slicker. If you prefer artificial lubricants, then a water-based lubricant is recommended and preferred. As with any artificial lubricant, always first read the instructions to determine how and where such products should be used. This is very important for your safety!

Male Masturbation: Precum
Precum up closePre-ejaculate fluid or precum, the clear, tasteless and odorless fluid that flows or oozes out of the penis when sexually aroused and/or during masturbation session is a natural lubricant that helps prepare the penis for intercourse. However, in a masturbatory session, we men sometimes use precum as a lubricant or we add to the non-natural or artificial lubricant already in use – e.g. spit/saliva or products like Vaseline, baby oil, Astroglide, Wet, Gun Oil, et al. Lubricants – whether natural or artificial, ease the friction of intercourse (vaginal or anal) or masturbation. (I doubt any guy needs a lubricant for oral sex. LOL!)  The penis does not need to be hard or erect to produce this fluid. Often a certain level of sexual excitement is all that’s needed to trigger its production; in some cases, it’s not. When you hear guys say things like, “I’m leaking”, “That makes me wet” or “I’m moist” (if he’s telling the actual truth), he’s simply talking about his being sexual aroused and the resulting wetness of precum he feels in his underwear or running down the side of his leg (depending on how his penis is situated in his pants and how much precum fluid is flowing from his penis). The amount of precum flowing can vary from very little to a lot.

Male Masturbation: Ejaculation, Dry & Weak Orgasms, Semen Load
The longer I edge, the better my [cum] load and orgasm.  Normally, a man’s orgasm happens around the same time as he ejaculates but this is not always the case.  It is important to point out that a man does not always or necessarily experience an orgasm when he ejaculates.  Sometimes a man can ejaculate then mere seconds later have the orgasm. (This has happened to me on occasion.) Sometimes a man can have intense orgasms but ejaculate little to almost no semen at all. We call this a dry orgasm. Experiencing little to no orgasm is often referred to as a weak orgasm. Men hate weak orgasms.  A weak orgasm makes all the effort and time put into masturbating (or fucking) seem like a complete waste. Sometimes a weak orgasm can happen when a man is not in good health, is under stress or is simply tired or exhausted – although there may be other causes in which case, if weak orgasms continue, that man should probably see his doctor or urologist.
To recap:

  • An ejaculation does not always mean a satisfying or full orgasm for a man
    (such is commonly referred to as having had a weak orgasm)
  • Having an orgasm does not always result in an ejaculation
    (such is commonly referred to as having had a dry orgasm)

The amount of semen or cum ejaculated has no bearing to the degree of a man’s orgasm Many of us hate small cum loads but we can live with that since there’s less mess to clean up! Some men are concerned or upset if they do not see a certain amount of semen after ejaculation and orgasm. Once again, here is where the practice of Kegel exercises for men can be a great help to fix the problem of weak orgasms and low semen production. (Click here for more info on the benefits of Kegel exercises for men.) Normally, there is no cause for alarm if your semen load is low or your orgasms are not as strong as you think they should be. Remember factors such as health, diet, age and genetics play a significant role. However, if you think your semen load is too low or your orgasms too weak, then I suggest having a frank discussion with your doctor or urologist, especially if you’re planning to father children.

The volume of semen a man produces – be it a little or a lot, is not a significant indicator of his sperm count. I find it interesting that there are people who think that semen is sperm (or vice versa) and who have little to no basic knowledge about either! I guess they missed class the day this important fluid was discussed. Semen and sperm are two different things. Semen, not sperm, contains:

  • Water
  • Sugars: Fructose, sorbitol, inositol
  • Proteins and amino acids: glutathione, deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA), and creatine
  • Minerals: Phosphorus, zinc, magnesium, calcium, and potassium
  • Vitamins: Ascorbic acid (vitamin C), vitamin B12, and chlorine
  • Hormones: Testosterone, prostaglandins
  • Body-by-Products: Lactic acid, urea, uric acid, and nitrogen
  • Enzymes

SpermSperm (not semen) is the life-creating substance that fertilizes the human female eggs necessary to reproduce human life.  You cannot see sperm with the naked eye. Only by means of a microscope, can sperm be seen. A doctor can tell you if your sperm count is high/normal or low and how healthy and/or active the sperm in your semen is.  Sperm count and sperm activity (often playfully referred to as “little swimmers”) is important for a man who desires to father children.

Male Masturbation: Precum and Semen: Play, Store, Taste, Eat
During masturbation, some men will sometimes play with, taste or ingest their precum and/or seminal fluid.  Men who do this, do so because they find it sexually erotic while in Handful of sementhe zone or the “goon” state. Unlike precum, which is colorless, odorless and tasteless, semen or cum (in a healthy man) is normally milky white, cloudy and thick just after ejaculation.  I can’t tell you what semen tastes like for the substance has a slightly different taste (and flavor) for each man’s palate. I can however tell you that semen often has a distinguishable odor of a hint of chlorine. It normally liquefies 20 to 30 minutes later after ejaculation. (I talk more about semen health towards the end of this article.) While some men enjoy the taste of their semen and ingest it every time they ejaculate – often getting creative by storing it in vials and/or freezing it for later enjoyment, the rest of us who ingest our own semen do so less frequently. Often this is because some of us have to be in a particular highly sexual mindset to taste or eat our load to begin with. Some men who eat cum don’t wait for it to liquefy, often choosing to ingest it almost immediately while they still have the nerve or sexual high to do so.

Semen isn’t the greatest thing to eat on the regular. Personally, whenever I choose to eat mine, I might sometimes chase it with a swig of beer or shot of liquor; other times, depending on my degree of sexual excitement, I don’t chase eating my semen with anything at all. I don’t need to chase precum with anything to drink since it’s practically tasteless – and does taste better (to me) than semen. Again, this varies among men. Strangely, there are men who often deny having ever tasted or ingested their precum or semen. Let me tell you: many men lie through their teeth about this. Some closed-minded men will argue that “only gay men eat precum and cum (semen), which of course is ridiculous! I never understood how a man getting head (oral sex) can expect a woman (or another man) to taste or swallow his semen during a blow job yet not know what it tastes like himself. I don’t think that’s fair.  Let’s not forget that many males in their puberty and late teen years, after discovering ejaculatory orgasmic masturbation, sometimes ate their semen out of curiosity or kink and/or to keep nosey moms from finding out about their masturbating.  Of course, boys also shot their cum load in their white-colored T-shirts and sweat socks, making them crusty and yellow. Often the yellow stains appeared after washing and drying those clothing items – due to the level of acidity and certain other ingredients that make up semen, causing a certain chemical reaction when mixed with the various chemicals that is in laundry detergents and/or chlorine bleach. Those stains on the white-colored clothing always left that tell-tale sign to other masturbating males in the know that said, “Yeah, that was a cum rag.”  Because of this tell-tale sign, I often recommend to young men to always use a dark-colored cloth to catch their semen/cum load.
The Scoop on Semen (1)

Male Masturbation: Autofellatio
As young boys/teens and many early 20-something males learn more about their sexuality, they tend to experiment with various methods of getting off sexually. They will often attempt – and if they were flexible, will succeed at sucking their own penis – also known as autofellatio. Autofellatio is the act of oral stimulation of one’s own penis as a form of masturbation. It is physically possible for men who have sufficient flexibility, penis size (length) or a combination of the two, to perform autofellatio. In layman terms, this act is more commonly referred to as self-fellatio or self-sucking. Guys so “blessed” to be able to suck their own penis to orgasm often enjoy having the ejaculate spray on their face or in the open mouth so they can swallow it. Unless you look at porn (gay or straight), rarely will you meet any male who will openly admit to sucking his own cock. There is no evidence to suggest that men who enjoy autofellatio necessarily desire to suck the penis of another male. Remember; autofellatio is simply another form of masturbatory pleasure.  As much as I love my cock and the pleasure it always gives me, I have to give props and much respect to any male – regardless of his sexual orientation, who can easily suck his own penis to orgasm. I say, Go for it!

SIDE NOTE: Any man who chooses to taste or fully ingest his own pre-ejaculate (precum) or seminal ejaculate fluid (semen/cum) is – health wise, perfectly safe in doing so. Many men taste or ingest their own fluids as part of their eroticism or, in some cultures, as part of a male rite of massage. Doing this has no bearing whatsoever on that man’s sexual orientation nor is it necessarily any indicator that he desires to taste or ingest those fluids from another male.

Male Masturbation: Semen Health Information
As noted earlier, depending on a man’s age, diet, frequency of ejaculation and other factors such as the type of medications a man is under and/or his personal health, semen is normally milky white, cloudy, and thick just after ejaculation. It often has a distinguishable odor of a hint of chlorine. HOWEVER: (female readers take note)
Guys, take the time to notice your seminal ejaculate:

  • If your semen/cum is any other color than white, such as yellow-green (indicating a possible prostate infection) or pink, red or dark brown in color (indicating possible prostate bleeding), SEE A DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY!
  • If your semen is lumpy or jelly like, there could be some male hormone deficiency. Again, see a doctor immediately.

It is reasons like this for why I’ve often stressed that a man ought to know his bodyAND his bodily fluids.

Last thing:
Guys, let’s face it: some of us can be sexual pigs. If you’re at work or in some public place and need to masturbate, PUH-LEASEdon’t be a major asshole and shoot your load on the department store dressing room walls or mirrors or, if in a restroom, don’t shoot it on the wall stalls, toilet seat, sinks, wall mirrors or on the floor – and just leave it there! Damn! I’m a guy just like you and believe me, I realize it’s sometimes sexy to let your spunk fly and “leave your mark”! But c’mon fellas!  Think about the other guys – perhaps young kids, who have to come after you and use those same dressing room or restroom facilities. Be kool by not being nasty! Catch your spunk or – at the very least, eat it or clean up your mess! Thanks!
This should conclude the discussion on male masturbation in this blog series called A Man’s Life (for the time being). I need to move on and discuss other things interesting and beneficial to us. Please continue reading this series in case I have more to share about this topic. Until then, keep jacking it, have fun and may masturbation help relax and make you feel better!

Keepin’ It…REAL!
©2013 RobFather-X! Productions. All rights reserved.

A Man’s Life (Part 2)

This is Part 2 of the Keepin’ It…Real blog series, A Man’s Life. Click here to read A Man’s Life (Part 1)
Hey fellas (and ladies in the room).  It’s been awhile since I last talked to you in this series called A Man’s Life, so let’s get started!

BM_nude (4)Many people don’t look forward to Mondays but that is the ideal day to start the new week by beginning, interrupting or cap off the day with a “3M” (Mandatory Masturbation Monday) session!  I hope you were able to do that these past few Mondays since A Man’s Life (Part 1) was posted last month and that a 3M session – or any day(s) you chose to masturbate, helped make a significant improved difference in your life! Remember, a “3M” session is simply personal intimate me time,  with your sole mission being to use masturbation to release any pent-up sexual tension or stresses of everyday life that do nothing good but adversely affect your mental, emotional and physical well-being which can hold you back from reaching your fullest potential as you begin the new week.  If your weekend went by without the time, privacy or means to release some sexual tension or if it has been a while since you last busted a good nut, (ejaculated) then yes, my fellow cock-swinging brother, perhaps a “3M” session is in order for you!  And while it is never necessary to have a masturbation session on Mondays, we choose Monday to try to always kick-start the positive energies of our masculinity.  Universally, Monday is considered the first day of the week –regardless of whatever holiday (like Labor Day here in the U.S.) that sits on it. Sure, you could wait until Tuesday but why?

Guys, remember any masturbation session should always be about… YOU!  As you get into it, remember that the best thing to do in a session is to delay the PONR (point of no return) also known as edging, for as long as possible. Edging (which I’ll discuss further in the next segment of this series) helps increase the time you will stay in the “zone” long after orgasm has been reached.  After my initial orgasm, I often experience post-orgasmic waves lasting anywhere from five to sometimes up to fifteen minutes afterwards! I like to call these waves my “secondary post-orgasm”. I’m not sure if that term is existent or clinically correct but I know only too well how an intense orgasm leaves me feeling after I’ve edged for a good while… say, roughly 45 minutes to an hour or more. My secondary post-orgasm usually depends on how long I’ve been edging and:

  • how sexually deep I choose to go in my mind to create a sexual fantasy
  • my recall of some fantastic sexual experience from my past
  • the degree and type of porn I’m watching from my off-line spank bank
  • the number of various (and FREE) porn websites I decide to visit

If you have a good lube (more about masturbation lubricants in a future article) and control over your PONR aspect of ejaculation and orgasm (usually learned through masturbation) AND Kegel exercises, you could edge for hours!

Kegel Exercises for Men-1Speaking of Kegel exercises: I know there are many guys who sadly, have no idea what Kegel exercises are. Take it from me fellas, I’ve been doing them for years – not that I’ve ever needed to do them (because I didn’t) but because I wanted to make sure that as I aged, most of the sexual vigor of my youth would be retained. For example, when I ejaculate, I’ve always been a shooter – never a dripper or oozer of cum. I enjoy the feeling the force of semen ejaculation gives me and wanted to make sure that when I reached my 40s and 50s and beyond, I had retained as much of that force and pleasure of ejaculation as possible. Today, at age 53, I’m still a shooter – a forceful one at that, I’m still able to edge for long periods – whether I’m masturbating or having sex (you can edge when fucking), and I’m still enjoying very intense orgasms. I can’t give all the credit to years of doing regular and reverse Kegel exercises though; some of it has to be attributed to genes, a reasonably healthy lifestyle, exercise, diet and of course practicing regular sexual activity – mainly with myself than with a partner.

pc-muscle-kegel-diagramClick the diagram for more Kegel exercises for Men information.

Partner-assisted masturbation (in this sense, when someone else is jacking your dick) may be hot for some guys but it has never quite worked well with me, at least not with women. I often feel like she’s trying to milk a cow or something! Perhaps my discomfort from those women was due to the slight curvature of my cock that makes it difficult for me to enjoy some of them jacking me off. I know many guys who enjoy being jacked off and I know some who – like me, find little pleasure in having someone do it for them. It seems when some women try jacking me off they would always get tired of stroking or would complain that I was “taking too long to come”. The fact is, no matter what I would tell some of those women, they simply were not hitting the right spot(s) on the shaft of my cock, or not giving me the right feel or grip or were pulling my cock too damn hard. So, I’d like to say the following on behalf of every man reading this who has had the same problem with women (or rough men) jacking their dicks:
Damn! Learn to ease up on our jawn! Our dicks/cocks are LIVING organs; not something dead or made of metal, such as a stick shift in a car or a joy stick in some video game! We actually FEEL the roughness and power behind each pull or tug you give in a non-gentle manner – just as we feel your teeth when you blow us!  We know you mean well but we’re gonna need for you to take it easy on our most prized body part, okay?
(Now, this is where my gay and bisexual friends would interject and say what they ALWAYS say:Only a man can successfully jack off another man!” Ha! Ha!
Logically, there is some truth to that comment BUT… not all women are poor at jacking off a man; it depends on the penis-handling expertise of that particular woman! And, regardless of what my friends may say or think, every man masturbates differently from his cock-swinging brother. No one should ever automatically assume that another man can always successfully jack off another man – although admittedly, as cock owners, men are indeed more familiar with an erect penis and understand the importance of certain strokes and grips of a cock than women – whether the erection is firm, semi-firm, or the erect penis is straight or curved in any direction, at various degrees. Whether the person giving such service be female or male, a man’s cock still needs to be handled with a certain amount of care. Only the owner of said cock can best determine how much force in strokes and how tight a grip his cock can comfortably, uh…handle (pun intended). Still, as far as I’m concerned, some things, like jacking off are things we men do best all on our own!

In Part 3 of the series A Man’s Life, we stay on the subject of male masturbation just a while longer. I’ll further discuss the male masturbation technique known as edging and give some other tidbits to readers – particularly the female readers, on how most men edge, some info about pre-ejaculate fluid aka precum – and the big deal behind it, as well as other helpful and/or did-you-know information related to men and masturbation.

The blog series A Man’s Life continues here.

Keepin’ It… REAL!
©2013 RobFather-X! Productions. All rights reserved.

Self-love (and Viewing Pornography) Is NOT Cheating

May is National Masturbation Month. With that in mind, I thought I’d share part of a response I made on another forum, with some added thoughts regarding the controversial and often debated question of whether or not self-love (aka masturbation) and viewing pornography is considered cheating on your partner.

I’m a highly sexual creature, with a strong but CONTROLLABLE, sexual appetite. That’s pretty damn good for someone my age! While I enjoy partner sex, sometimes I simply WANT to be with or often feel the need to please…myself. Therefore, if I feel the need to “rub one out”, and pornography helps me to achieve that “nut” (because by nature, many MEN rely on VISUAL STIMULATION for sexual gratification), then I’m going to want my hassle-free sexual right and freedom from my lover or sexual partner to do just that… and to do so without my partner tripping! In most cases and with many men, self-love, self-pleasuring or masturbation (let’s call it what it is!) has no adverse reflection on the other person in the relationship. If one was masturbating often and enjoyed doing that activity before finding a regular sex partner AND establishing a regular and long-term sexual and emotional relationship with that person, what indication is there and what law is there, to declare that masturbation should just stop being a personal solo, sexual activity?

Many women (and oddly, some men too) seem to think that once a relationship is in effect, especially MARRIAGE, all self-pleasuring should just stop cold turkey. Wrong! But still such people seem to feel that this is the way things are “meant to be”. Many ministers condemn the act of self-pleasure after marriage. They either preach to their congregations or state in personal counseling that masturbation is a “cheating against the spouse” and “is a sin against God”. I have actually heard people say (or rather, have lied) about how they “no longer have a need or desire to ever masturbate again” or to view porn because “their partner takes care of all their [sexual] needs”. REALLY??  If such people have it like that, then God bless ’em!  However, the REALITY is, even though many couples may indeed have “all their [sexual] needs taken care of” by their spouse or partner, it remains highly likely that one, if not both partners will eventually masturbate at some point in the relationship, and that he or she may come to do so often, and perhaps even using some sort of pornographic tool or sexual aid or sex toy to help stimulate or enhance their self pleasuring sexual goals.

It bears repeating: regardless of your gender or sexual orientation, that if you were regularly masturbating before you started having frequent partner sex, it is very likely you will continue to masturbate – either alone or with your partner (or with some other person) while in a relationship. Of course, it is also very possible that the more frequent partner sex you have, the less often you’ll need or want to masturbate; however, studies have shown that masturbation occurs frequently in partnered relationships, too.

Let’s get one thing clear: Masturbation allows a person and teaches a person to be more in-tuned and comfortable with and appreciative of his or her own body and sexuality, and the pleasures body can give, on the PHYSICAL, EMOTIONAL, PSYCHOLOGICAL, AND SPIRITUAL levels!  The POSITIVE result of such being (if masturbation is done within reason), is the development of a better, sexual person.  One negative, yet RARE result of masturbation is when a person loses all proper perspective on life and reality as a result of having or developing an OBSESSION with doing such an activity, and when that obsession with self-pleasuring/sexual gratification is allowed to control and dictate that person’s life over all else, and begins affecting certain livelihood responsibilities and needs. In this case, such an obsession would be considered an addiction and that person would need and should seek professional help.

And now a word about…PORNOGRAPHY.

Pornography has its bad points; that’s true. But much of pornography can also be quite…good… so, let’s talk about the good, since what can be considered “bad” about pornography is debatable.  First, no one should be judgmental on the TYPE of pornographic material another person has or chooses to use or view (except of course, that involving minor children or animals!) which a person has determined to be “helpful” towards achieving certain levels of personal pleasure and comfort. Second, I think it would be enhancing, if not necessarily helpful to any relationship, (not to mention, very hot, sexually speaking), if both people in a healthy relationship, who are enjoying healthy, pleasurable intercourse sex, also masturbated TOGETHER from time to time and, on occasion, also watched and enjoyed pornography together! Now, we all know that there are many couples who have partners who are “so not into porn”. That’s kool. But what is the OTHER partner who has always enjoyed porn to do? Just stop watching it? That’s not fair. And what if that one partner, who DEMANDS that there be no porn, goes a step further to demand that there be no masturbation “in the course of the relationship” either? It seems obvious to me that if the “need” for self pleasuring is strong enough, that porn-loving, sexually self-pleasing partner will sneak off to do what he or she desires to do anyway. If he/she is “caught”, a whole different set of issues (like “trust and honesty”) will come into play! I suggest that people, early on in their relationship, tell their partners what they like to do sexually.  A partner may not like or approve what the other partner enjoys sexually but they should respect that part of the person.  I also think a person should consider inviting their partner to join in on a few of  masturbatory sessions and not be afraid to tell his/her partner that, when the mood arises, he/she will probably be  “checking out some skin”, and yes, may even jack (or jill) off to it, too. (“jill off” is one of many references to female masturbation.)

At this point, few of you might want to know whether or not I masturbate. You might also want to know if I like or love pornography, and you want to know if I love sex. The answer to all three of your questions is YES, OF COURSE; and I say that without hesitation, shame or embarrassment. And, I don’t mean to brag but in my entire sexually active life, I’ve never had any complaints regarding MY sexual performances from any of my sexual partners. I’d like to think that I owe a great deal of credit to the things I learned about my body and sexuality, particularly MALE sexuality (since I happened to be male) through years of masturbation, coupled with self and formal education, and  from sexual relationships with others. Of course, some credit goes to my reading and using pornography! Lots of great ideas were – and are found within that media!

Finally, the main and perhaps single purpose of pornography is to inspire sexual interest in people. This is a no-brainer!  Pornography can be fun and can only enhance, heighten and stimulate sexual desire and awareness and a sensuous atmosphere. Now, if the other partner doesn’t like porn, or doesn’t like it when you masturbate, then you and partner need to talk about it!  At some point, somebody is going to have to deal with the other partner’s sexual likes, quirks and even fetishes. Somebody in the relationship will have to respect that part about their partner as they take into careful consideration ALL the other, more important things that IS liked and loved in the relationship. (Or, they can simply end the relationship, pack their bags and move on).

Everyone has SOMETHING that is NOT liked or not easily accepted or tolerated by other people, especially a loving partner. It’s simply human nature. The fact is, we CAN choose to accept, tolerate, or reject things those things. I believe that if you TRULY LOVE your partner, then it should be easy to respect that partner as having been a single sexual person long before they met you. Therefore, within reason (and so long as it is not addictive to the degree mentioned earlier), anyone giving him or herself some “personal time” on the self-love/solo sex level is NOT cheating on their partner. Such very natural a sexual activity as masturbation will hardly ever negatively impact a relationship UNLESS of course, an objecting partner is so insecure in that relationship that he/she decides to make it (and/or pornography) an issue.
Keepin’ it….REAL!