Go Downtown and…Have Some Pie!

Downtown, things’ll be great when you’re
Downtown, no finer place for sure,
Downtown, everything’s waiting for you
–   Lyrics from the 1965 hit song, Downtown, sung by Petula Clark

Hey fellow sexy male and female readers!
I found the following article online several weeks ago. I don’t know who the author is but I would have liked to have given her credit for writing it! You can read my comments which follow. The article posted here is VERBATIM (except where I’ve added photos or did some minor grammatical editing) and is NSFW (Not Safe For Work) and NSWPIR (Not Safe With Parents in Room). Take care WHERE and WHEN you read it! If you are under 17 years old you probably should not be reading my blog anyway; but I understand and won’t chase you away. Why? Because I was once a horny teen – one who had to teach himself a lot (I mean, a LOT!) about sexuality. So read to your leisure, Youngblood; just don’t snitch me out to your mom or dad. Kool?
Everyone… ENJOY!


The Art of Cunnilingus
First, before we begin let’s get something straight about my favorite pastime. This article is going to be graphic and straight to the point, so if you have any problems with learning the vagina in the most intimate of ways…stop…reading…now. Every woman knows the vagina is a complicated instrument that is attached to our brains, unlike our male counterparts, who merely have to graze it against a tree and they get a hard on.Well for us ladies it takes a bit of warming up; it’s all about teasing, and taking it slowly.All vaginas differ in shape, taste, smell, and feeling. Every woman needs to be learned and understood as an individual. The same trick may not work on all women.When performing cunnilingus, you don’t only use your mouth and tongue, but your ears to listen to her and your hands to feel her. Stay in tune with your lover. Don’t just focus on making her orgasm. It should be fun and you should enjoy being there watching her while you play with her body and excite her. It’s not a race. You don’t get a prize for how fast you make her climax, but rest assured you will get one for how hard you try.Start by kissing her entire body and slowly moving south, maybe even gently breathing on top of her vagina so she feels your hot breath without you touching her. Don’t go straight for her love button, a.k.a. clitoris; it can be painful and without a proper welcoming party she might not be interested in playing.It’s good to spend time around her thighs licking and kissing her sensitive skin, just gently brushing your lips (mouth) against hers (vagina). You want to keep her surprised and be adventurous. Touch her with your fingers without penetrating – just rubbing softly, then quickly. You should always pay attention to how she responds and reacts, listening keenly to every word or moan she utters.When you notice the colors of her body start changing to darker reds and she is throbbing with excitement, you can start playing with her clitoris. Use your lips to suck on her clitoris, and your tongue to penetrate her and reach in and lick inside; always listening to what she likes while you keep going.Remember a climax is a build-up, so don’t go hot and cold on her. If you do, the momentum you’ve built up will be lost and the excitement level will move back down to base camp (she will not be happy about this). So keep going, always watching her to make sure you’re on target. Here is a clue; if she’s telling you that she likes it then that means don’t stop!While you’re down there don’t forget there are other parts of her body that need attention. Now is a good time to introduce breast play or if you’re in a little more adventurous mood, there is always anal (stick your pinky in her anus while you go down on her). Now is when your fingers can go inside her and then you can feel her contraction and how close she is to orgasm. With your nose you can rub up against her vagina, what some might call a “down under Eskimo kiss”.Whatever you decide to do, it’s meant to be fun – not a chore, so talk to each other beforehand. Be honest about what you like and want. Remember, no one is a mind reader and it’s a lot more enjoyable when both of you are confident because you’ve discussed what you like and have given permission to discover and explore your body.So here’s the recap:* Tease, tease, tease. Play with her body before you go for the direct stimulation.
* Lick, kiss and nibble her stomach, thighs, and outer labia.
* Use your entire face to play with her vagina, your nose, lips, teeth, chin, tongue and you can even use longer hair to tickle her gently.
* Circle around her clitoris and vagina using different pressures and speeds.
* Penetrate her vagina with your tongue.
* Breathe and blow warm air above her vagina but never directly inside especially if she is pregnant (a cause of air embolism).
* Flick you tongue quickly over her clitoris.
* Make your tongue big and flat and rub it all over her vagina.
* Nibble and bite, but only if she’s given you an okay otherwise you might get a smack on the head.
* Touch her while you go down on her, use breast play or penetrate her with your finger either vaginally or anally, matching the rhythm of your tongue.
* Always listen to your partner. Watch her and how she moves.
* Have fun and don’t forget the only way you know if you’re doing it right is to ask (but not a hundred times – just enough that she is screaming yes!)Oral sex for women is closely linked to body image and self-confidence so talk to each other, share your likes, desires and fears. Always use protection like dental dams and be cautious when your partner is menstruating.



Here are MY comments:

This woman (whose name was never mentioned when I found this article) was deep and to the point, wasn’t she?  For ease of reference and the purpose of this blog article, let’s call the author “Lynda”, named for the first girl to whom I, at age 17, lost my virginity and whose pussy I had the joy of eating.  “Lynda”, if you’re reading this article and recognize your words, I want to say “thank you” for writing them and for providing fodder for me to use on this important, yet very pleasurable, sexual activity!

As I was saying, I happen to like – and am – attracted to the mind of women who tell me what they want and like without the fuckin’ guessing games many of them expect men to play with them!  I’m not talking about those women who can be bitchy to me.  I’m talking about females talking to me with respect for my manhood and with the same adult/sexual maturity that she has.

Learning –
I loved “Lynda’s” article…except for that part where she said we men merely have to graze it [our penis] against a tree and we get a hard on”. Yeah, it’s a bit funny, does have a ring of truth for some men, but is also a bit harsh. However, that comment is not really a big deal since it certainly doesn’t apply to me!  I’m a highly sexual being but one who is in full control of his sex.  I do not mean to boast but I’ve always loved cunnilingus (aka eating pussy)! Mostly everything “Lynda” said is exactly the way I have always treated and respected the vagina of the women I’ve been with during the 35-plus years I’ve been sexually active. No has ever taught me how to eat pussy.  In fact, I’ve been performing cunnilingus since I was 17 years old. At first, it was “touch and go” but I learned very quickly what – and what not – to do. In my late teens/early twenties, a few of the girls/women I had been with only allowed me to give them oral sex. They had various reasons but I wasn’t complaining much.  Perhaps I’m unique but I’ve always known to communicate with my sex partners; to listen to their responses, feel their hands on my head or on parts of my body, watch for certain physical movements they made, and listen for certain verbal signs they uttered.  Such responses during sex are a major turn on for me as it indicates how well and to what degree I’m pleasing my partner.

69ing –
I don’t know about other guys but while I like the “69” sexual position, I can only do it for a short time in any sex play. Actually, I think “69’ing” is a bit overrated with regard to a man effectively eating pussy. Personally, I find it a bit distracting having my dick or balls sucked (or when I’m feeling freaky, my ass tickled with her tongue) as I’m trying to eat her pussy. I simply don’t get off in the 69 position. I’d often end up on my knees in front of her where I can do what I do so much easier and more effectively! Again, not meaning to brag but no female has ever complained about my pussy-eating skills! If you take great pleasure in doing something, you are always going to give it your best effort!  I also learned that every woman is different “down there”, meaning no two women will have the same clitoral sensitivity. (I wish women knew or remembered this about men since some of them tend to suck a penis as if it were a cold popsicle – giving it no feeling or consideration that the dick is a living organ! I hate the way some women give head!)  Whatever I do to one woman may not always work with another woman.  I often have to adjust my methods, depending on a variety of factors such as: her height and weight, shape of her vagina, size of her thighs, amount of pubic hair (if any – since some women shave down there) and of course, the degree of her [natural] vaginal odor.

Men, handle that “feminine odor” issue with class! –
Speaking of vaginal odor, I know well the difference between natural vaginal odor, which comes from a well-cared-for pussy, to the odor of a woman with a serious hygiene problem or some other feminine hygiene issue.  (Those of you who have never seen a real vagina up-close won’t understand what I’m talking about but bear with me anyway! There’s a reason for all those vaginal products advertised on television!)  In my youth – on separate occasions, I’ve had two bad “dinners” served to me: one with “fish” and the other with “red wings”.  Neither “dinner” was pleasant and certainly NOT on the evening sex menu I’d hope to enjoy!  But I handled each experience with class – which is exactly what I highly recommend my fellow dick-swingers do as well!  Listen fellas: sometimes stuff happens. Men have physical and/or sexual issues, too! If you like that woman, then keep that in mind. She will appreciate it! Don’t be reluctant to tactfully or gracefully and perhaps even playfully (if you know her well enough) tell her that “things aren’t so fresh downtown.” She’ll understand.  Depending on the woman, there might be some embarrassment expressed but if you handle it with class and a sense of sexual maturity, she won’t forget it – which means huge major points for you! Trust me!
On more thing, guys: Don’t act like an asshole and insist on having sex or “going down” on a woman who is menstruating. First, most women do not like or appreciate that! Second, most women will tell you, in their own way (although some others will be quite clear), that “Now is NOT the time”. Take the hint she gives you! I’ve known some of us men who seem to take some kind of so-called “freak-thrill” in having sex (full intercourse or oral) with women on their menstrual cycle. I never understood that. Not only is that so not freaky, it’s very disgusting, unhealthy for both you AND her and it is disrespectful to the woman. Try to imagine HER insisting that YOU have sex with her but you’d prefer NOT to have sex; perhaps because your dick was very sore from jacking off or from having had some very rough sex the night before or worse, you’re having some periodic stomach or diarrhea issues and you know having sex will literally trigger shit to pour out of your ass! What could be more embarrassing than that moment when someone shits during sex? I certainly would not enjoy anything like that happening to me!  Now do you get the idea? When a woman says, “No, not tonight” or something along those lines, it’s best to simply take her at her word — at least for few days.

Communication –
Communication between sex partners is necessary and does have its advantages.  It’s important to express what pleases and what doesn’t please during sex. No one should ever be or feel embarrassed (unless they shitted during sex) and no one should feel offended simply for expressing to the sex partner how they prefer to be sexed.  Guys, this applies to us especially!  In the same manner that women joke or complain about “that  fine-looking Jeff over in Accounting” not knowing how to eat pussy, we men also fuss about that piss-poor blow job one – or more of us – had from “that hot chick named Mary in the shipping department”.  Men and women both need to understand that

  1. all men do not know how to eat pussy
  2. all women do not know how to give head (suck a dick/cock)

On that last note, I’m talking giving effective head. Anybody can put a hard cock in their mouth.  However, it takes some skill to suck that muthafucka while using the tongue, lips (the rare scrape of teeth) cheeks and neck movement to orally give a man sexual pleasure. Like the clitoris of the vagina, the sensitivity of each man’s dick HEAD – and the penile SHAFT will be different.
The art of fellatio (aka sucking dick/cock) is a completely different article – one which I’ll happily write about later.

Finally –
Since the time of my first few pussy-eating experiences, I’ve always made it a point to give the “oral warm-up” as one of the first things to do sexually.  I will do it for as long as it takes before engaging in actual intercourse. I do not like to rush when it comes to sex. I like – and prefer – to take my time. For me to do otherwise makes giving cunnilingus – or intercourse – uncomfortable and stressful.  Eat-Like-a-SirTaking my time means I can continue giving oral sexual stimulation and pleasure until the point where my partner either reaches orgasm and/or she asks me to fuck her. Of course my dick is hard and leaking lots of precum (which is always kool for me!) but I’m a patient person because experience has taught me one important rule: patience and proper preparation of the pussy for full, smooth penetration is a must(Yeah, guys; go ahead and steal that line!) The moment she’s ready for me to fuck her (though sometimes she won’t tell me but after a while of all that tongue I’ve been giving, I’d know when) the better the full sex is going to be for us both. Bon appétit… glazed face and all!

I appreciate the article “Lynda” wrote on The Art of Cunnilingus because it echoes much of what I’ve often shared with my youngblood male brethren about how to sex up a woman. Many men (and some women, too!) who don’t know the art of cunnilingus /eating pussy can surely benefit from reading “Lynda’s” comments as well as my own experiences and advice!

Keepin’ It…REAL!

17 thoughts on “Go Downtown and…Have Some Pie!

  1. RobFather you are my idol I love every bit of it. Thank you for sharing this to me and everyone else

  2. Well I’m speechless, didn’t think people would engage in peach, apple, plum and banana pie conversations. perhaps lack of conversation and desires is the root of so many divorces. Speak and thou shall get. 🙂

    • Dante, as always an excellent answer. straight to the point and “class” in tact!

    • I love your answer Dante 😉 such a true statement, because the lack of communication is the root of many divorces. But I especially love the last part of your statement….. 😉

  3. Robfather, I do believe you have me blushing …. ME, a grown ass man!
    However, I think I’ll stick with my old trusty southern butterscotch pies – the kind with the meringue on top and the nuts layered on the bottom. EXCELLENT ARTICLE!

  4. Rob, as always, you brought a very interesting subject. I liked it. Like yourself, I happen to engage in cunnilingus. I like what the woman said in her article, but what she overlooked was that there are also people who fall into the category I fall into: people who eat pussy simply because they have a fetish for doing so. As a young boy, I was “raped” by an adult woman. There was no actual copulation, but she taught me how and where to lick and kiss her and she MADE me do it! Subsequently, I became good, then very good, then EXCELLENT. By the time I turned 16, my fetish was eating pussy. But that’s not all. When I am performing oral sex on a woman, not only can I make her cum (climax), but I MUST make her cum in order to satisfy my own needs because it is her excitement; her moans and gasps; her velvety lips against mine; her sweet, funky-fresh aroma; her delicious juices that actually arouse me to the point of climax. I love the taste of her moist vagina against my lips, but I also love the taste of her tangy anus as my tongue dances its way up inside that tiny hole between those gelatinous globes of gluteus maximus. I love to kiss those golden globes of booty and lick that tiny trail of silken hair that rests there as my tongue makes its way to her puckered pineapple. So yes, there is a sub-category to pussy eaters. It is those of us who worship it; need it; can’t have sex without it. I have had long-term relationships that involved no actual copulation, but plenty of cunnilingus and anilingus. I have never demanded fellatio, nor really cared for it, but a woman who cannot appreciate me going down on her is a woman I avoid at all costs. Thanks for the blog, RobFather.

    • Perhaps you do, Brother, but let me clue you in on a little secret: if you’re eating Junior’s “pie”, then perhaps you were logged into the wrong blog. hahahahahahaha

      • Naw, Demetric Canada; Rodneysnell is family- in more ways than one to me. He knows EXACTLY where is and I ALWAYS appreciate his support!

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