Fuck the Holidays!

I stopped caring about holidays like Thanksgiving, Christmas and even New Year’s Eve years ago. I won’t go into detail right now except to say that I have lost any reason to observe such “tidings of joy” for the time being. Sure, my wonderful teenage son will visit me, I will make the obligatory calls to mom and even play some holiday music on my little radio show (which I’ve been holding off from doing this year since such is played on the station where I work during the other six days of the week).  In a way, it’s all pretend on my part and flies in the face of the keeping it real edict I’ve set for myself. But hey; I’ve learned that sometimes there are things in life where a little flexibility is necessary for the greater good. If you are a parent or still have living parents, you’ll understand where I’m coming from with regard to being flexible. In my heart, I feel that if I could stop Time and jump over every day after October 31st on to January 2nd of the coming year, I would do that!

Why I feel very strongly this way isn’t so much about the commercialism of the holidays or the shopping and buying of gifts and shit for other people. It’s not even the hellish street traffic I have to fight for the last two months of the year. It’s me. I’m lonely. And no; being with my family and/or friends (of which I have few) will NOT help me! I’m depressed. Yet, there are people who tell me that I don’t have to be depressed. Yeah. Right. Many don’t know it but I have suffered with intermittent bouts of depression for decades!  Now, I know some of those people mean well but what the fuck do they know about me or my mental condition and/or emotions to say to  me that I “don’t have to be depressed”? If that’s the best they have to offer then they need to fuck off and just leave me alone! And please; no one had better come at me with that tired old “you need Jesus” or “Jesus can help you” et al rhetoric. Save it! I get enough of it from my brother. Everything in my life is not about “needing” Jesus!

Frankly, I had been wishing the holidays would never come!  I know; that’s a foolish thing to say since the holidays always do come and since they are here. Still, it sounds good when I say it out loud and it looks good reading the words on this screen. I’ve no one to love in the way a man needs and wants someone to love. I’m not talking about the love a man has for his children, his siblings, his parents or his pet. I’m talking about a man having someone special to himself ; someone to emotionally love and to be loved by; someone he can share things with, like holiday cheer and special occasions in his life. I had that once but that person chose to betray me and go away.  I doubt I was ever really understood anyway so it’s just as well that the relationship ended after nearly twenty years. And though I’ve worked hard to get over that loss, to move on with my life and to try to find happiness again, the fact of the matter is, my heart has been stone cold and untrusting of others ever since.  Sure… I can tell and laugh at a joke, carry somewhat of a positive attitude about my future and maintain my wonderfully sick sense of humor but  the truth is, deep down, I’m very unhappy. I’ve yet to meet anyone who can soften my heart, revitalize my inner-self and make me feel whole and real again.

So there it is. The first of a few personal revelations yet to come in this blog. It was long overdue and I thought it was time that I just put it out there. I don’t expect anyone to give a flying fuck. This is my problem. I’ll be fine. Really. One of the reasons I have this blog is so that I can have a place where I can write out my thoughts instead of simply talking to the four walls of my apartment (as I so often do).  Writing in this blog is therapeutic for me – perhaps more that I could explain. Besides, the words in my head scream to come out and the truth that is my life demand to come to light.  I can’t help it.  And at my age, I’m no longer concerned with becoming naked to the world [thanks Teena Marie] of people I know or don’t know. If that was a  real concern this blog would not exist. In coming personal revelations, I will let whatever chips there are from the things I say fall wherever they will. Fuck it.

Perhaps someday, if or when I find love again, I will have reason to celebrate holidays and all that nice “tis-the-season-to-be-jolly” picturesque jazz. Until such time, every day of my unhappy life – including my birthday too, I suppose – is simply going to be a regular day and shall be treated as much. It’s how I’ve been feeling and handling things for the last few years or more. And again, until the time I meet that special someone, I intend to steer clear, as much as possible, of the hype and bullshit – AND the shady phoniness that some people tend to wear – associated with the holiday season. Don’t worry about me. It all is what it fuckin’ is.

Fuck the holidays.

Keepin’ It...REAL!

13 thoughts on “Fuck the Holidays!

  1. I have love but I still hate these holidays. My father drowned on thanksgiving over 12 years ago. I was 17. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and my birthday in January, are at this point intolerable. My family is a mess and my loves family is great. But their idea of the holidays is all smiles while mine couldn’t be further from. Being introverted I had a hard time with these celebration holidays even before my father passed. It’s extremely exhausting for me and I get physically sick. The family’s forcing me to go here and there has run me ragged. They have this idea of the holidays that just doesn’t exist for me. Them wanting me close just pushed me away. Hopefully I can move away from Cali before next years nightmare begins. Jingle jerks.

  2. So, I’m a normal person. I’m not depressed for any reason, and I have no history of depression. No meds ect.

    I have family, no spouse our children, however.

    This season is annoying. I can’t stand Thanksgiving, Christmas or the New Year celebration.
    All it does is cause me more work, and I get to lose my Saturdays because I have to go into work to make up the missed day the following weekend. I’ve not celebrated any three of the holidays in the past 5 years, simply because it’s extra unnecessary work for myself and family. I mean, yeah; I go to the parties- but only so I don’t upset my elderly family members who I enjoy seeing.

    No trees, no turkeys, no champagne. It’s banned in my house, haha.

    But this crap with “OH lets all get together three times in two months, eat until we want to puke and get drunk by the TV” is a total, complete and utter waste of time.

    I have to put my life on hold just to see people who I already see year round.

    What an annoyance, and I mean that seriously.

    • I feel you on that, Bob! Thanks for reading and commenting. Happy holidays anyway – and a healthy, safe, prosperous and joyful 2014 year to you and your family!

  3. Wow, man! I thought I was pretty much the only one with this kind of down life. I can relate exactly. Thanks for your honesty and personal accounting. Makes me feel a little less alone and different.

  4. I completely understand what you mean. I to feel the same. Fuck the Holidays! I have no family and true friends do mean well. But they don’t understand, they have family and kids. With past relationships we just end breaking up. I think I meant to be alone. During the holidays I just stay home alone and celebrate to my self. It’s the way it’s been since I was young (17, I’m 34 now) do not get me wrong, besides the holidays when it’s not family time I have a great time with friends. I wish and hope one day I will have a lovinG wife and have children of my own. Career wise I’m good. I have work hard to where Iam now. Thank you for sharing I enjoyed reading your article.

    • Thank you for reading the article, Tony…and for feeling me.
      Although I wrote this article last year, I recently gave it a re-read and realized that I still feel the same as I did last year – and over the past several years; except I probably may feel worse this year. A small indicator of this is that this year I never called anyone – “family” or friend in my to say “Happy Thanksgiving”…but then, no one called or texted me either. And so it goes. *sigh*
      Anyway, if I can make it to January 2nd, I’ll be ok…I guess. No one should be alone; not when all the noise of someone being with someone fills the eyes and ears of the lonely from holiday to holiday. It’s seems inescapable (which is why I try to avoid TV shows and the like having holiday themes). I can only hope my life improves, as I have been working hard to keep my head clear and make happen for the past several years. As mentioned in the article, I still hope to meet that “special someone” who will once again bring back the joy I used to feel this time of year. When I do (now there’s a positive thought!), I’m going to remember my years of holiday despair and never again take for granted my knowledge of those many others who are lonely and have come to hate the holidays!
      Thank you for your comment and be well.

      • Your post could have been written by me, word for word, last year as well as this year. I suppose I knew there were others out there, but wow, this hit home. Trust, Jesus, betrayal, well meaning know it all’s and false faces, ha ha ha, all so true. How do we, you, I, others, break this horrible spell? I’ll let you know if I find the answer, and please you do the same. A 2014 wish, may we all find what we need.
        Thanks for being a voice.
        PS: Merry fucking Christmas to you, LOL Now I’m off to talk with my kids and mother on the phone, it is Christmas day after all.

      • Thanks for reading and commenting, Jim! Happy holidays – and a healthy, safe, prosperous and joyful 2014 year to you and your family too!

  5. This is how i feel most of my days. I too, wish holidays didn’t exist. i understand you. Thank you for sharing.

    • Thank you for reading the article Tony. I replied in your second comment. Appreciate you feeling me on this.

  6. I have to admit that much of what you have shared about birthdays and holidays is similar to thoughts I had at one time. I also used to envision jumping over the celebrated date(s) and being on the other side. I absolutely detest the commercialization of Christmas and choose not to get caught up in the madness. Like you I will make the customary calls and buy a gift or two but that is the end of it. I’ve often wondered if I had a significant person in my life would I be intrigued to look at this differently. I guess I will learn that answer if and when that glorious day happens. 🙂
    Thanks for sharing.

  7. Now THAT’S what I call keepin’ it real! This is your truth, it is what it is and I love it that you owned it. That’s the first step …….. toward what exactly, I dunno, but you OWNED IT! So what’s the NEXT STEP FOR YOU? FORGET THE HOLIDAYS, just one of my real concerns is when you actually do meet someone that you think is worthy (and I’m praying that happens) you’ll bring too much past and present clutter to the new space for it. Therapy ……… Jesus ………. Beyonce ………. Whatever it takes ……… START UNCLUTTERING NOW! (God forbid) but even if it never happens, at least YOU’LL be traveling so much lighter! I love you, Brotha, and I’m not going to cheapen it with a lot of “You need to’s” and “You should’s”. I love your honesty, and I respect it and how you feel, however it’s not healthy and you already know it. So now that you know …….. what you gonna do?

  8. Sweet Sentiments Are 4Sure 4Real 4US who know the Truth Behind These Days! It’s Just Another Day We Can Use As We Believe And Proceed to do SO! The Powers 2 be would have you think It a Big-2-Do and It ISn’t! Healing And Enjoying Takes time 2 Be Flowing It AnyDay After Impressions So Deep were place upon you in earlier Days! Our Joy And Happiness Does Walk on 2 feet and Legs….Time And Love Will Bring Them 2 You As You Open Up To All Of The Possiblities awaiting A Man With Hopoes of Love And Laughter And Enlightenments To Thrill Hiom In This Life And the Life 2 Come! Huggs And Kisses My Friend! Keep Being You And Really Be true As Always With Yourself and others! Smile I’m Seeing Stronger Meanings And Purpose Flowing Into You And through You Unto Others…THANKS FOR THE REAL RobFather GE ROBINSON Standing UP!!! Peace my Beloved!!!

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