Does Bisexuality Exist?

I’ve never claimed to be a subject-matter expert on many things. I don’t yet have a masters or doctors degree or specific certifications covering some of the subjects I blog about. Like many bloggers, I write my blog posts coming from my viewpoint, much of which is supported by college education, documented factual information, general life, military and civilian experiences, and my social interactions with people from all over the world and from all walks of life. Whenever you read this blog, I trust you’ll consider this about me and about the things you read as you would any blog. It just makes good sense for you to do that.

Now that the disclaimer is out-of-the-way….

Over the years, I’ve been in debates, classroom discussions, face-to-face arguments, and submitted enough online comments on a few blogs and web forums regarding the existence of bisexuality. I’ve argued on the side of the affirmative because I believe that it does. The question of its existence often gets asked and personally, I simply don’t see why some people have a problem with it. After nearly 10 years of active debate and argument on this one issue, I’m beginning to grow a bit weary of hearing the same rhetoric and baseless arguments which people in both the straight and surprisingly, the LGBT communities like to present. So here’s my final position on the issue, with the hope that I won’t have to revisit it again. My mind is firmly set and I’ll always maintain this position.

Before I begin, first this fact needs to be noted: People are who they are; with each person having his or her own unique, if not often strange, attractions and desires, sexual or otherwise. I say, let people be who they are and fuck the damn labels!

A Legitimate, Sexual and Emotional Identity
Bisexuality isn’t a myth. Bisexuality is a legitimate sexual and emotional identity. Being bisexual is not the same as some straight or gay person being “bi-curious”, which entails persons who choose to sexually experiment with someone of their opposite or same gender “for the moment”, or because a situation presents itself which would allow two or more people to fuck whomever they’re with… as in the case of a threesome or group sex/sex party. I call such people “situational bisexuals” because their behavior gives TRUE bisexuality a bad name.  Bisexuality is much deeper than so-called bi-curiosity or situational bisexuality because as with heterosexuality and homosexuality, there are real emotional attractions and feelings involved.

In recent years, doctors, psychiatrists and researchers had found undisputed evidence of the existence of bisexuality. Their findings have been reported and posted in medical journals, newspapers, and online media across the globe. If you want to read more pros (and cons) regarding bisexuality, all you need do is conduct an online search as there are many websites devoted to the topic of bisexuality.

Attraction and Desire
Attraction and desire are not synonymous terms. We all see things we find attractive or which we may be attracted to, yet don’t necessarily want or need. The object of attraction is simply appealing to the eye. We all see things we desire. Desire, unlike attraction, implies want and sometimes need. Attraction usually enhances the desire of what we want. The two complement each other however. In some cases, having a desire for something does not always mean one is attracted to it. For example, one may want or have a desire for an object but not be attracted to it; he/she simply desires to have it for the means or reason of just owning or using it for some purpose. The Facebook friends list is a perfect example of this kind of desire. There are hundreds of people who confirm “friend requests” all the time, yet are not in any way attracted to the person whose request they just approved. Some on Facebook like the idea of having more “friends” on their list than some of their own REAL-world relatives or friends who also use Facebook. Oddly, such people may feel that having such a large list gives them a sense of belonging or even power. In reality, there is no possible way one person is going to be attracted (I’m talking physically) to each of the hundreds of people on his/her friends list. Furthermore, it’s highly unlikely that a person with such a large friends list is ever going to personally meet them all.

The Bisexual Person
The bisexual person is aware that he/she is; that they exist as a bisexual person. As such, bisexual people know that they are or can be, attracted to members of both the male and female gender on an emotional, physical and sexual level in much the same way as any heterosexual or homosexual person. I cannot tell you how often I’ve heard some people, both straight and gay – say or have argued against the existence of bisexuality. They would say, “no one is bisexual”, or “bisexuality doesn’t really exist”, or “being bi is impossible”. Their arguments also maintain that anyone who claims to be bisexual must be confused about their sexuality and/or attractions; or such persons are lying or in denial about their true sexual orientation”. I recall one person on a blog recently commenting that people are either “bisexual gay” or “bisexual straight”, whatever the fuck that’s supposed to mean.

So here’s the REAL deal: bisexuals are NOT “confused” about their sexual identity or sexual orientation. Neither is a bisexual person “lying” or “in denial” about who he or she is, or what they like or are attracted to sexually. Also, I’ve argued time and again, that the frequency in which a bisexual person has such physical attractions and desires and even sex with either gender, is irrelevant. A bisexual person is guided by his or her emotional and physical attractions and desires in much the same way any heterosexual or homosexual person is attracted to someone, except in the case of the bisexual person, such an attraction may fall on either male or female, not just one specific gender.

The bisexual person falls under a separate sexual DNA orientation. Bisexuals are neither completely heterosexual nor completely homosexual. They are living examples of the gray areas or fluidity that exists in sexuality. Straight and gay people need to stop trying to reject or ignore the existence of bisexuality. They also need to stop placing bisexual people under the same label and sexual orientation umbrellas as themselves, simply to assuage their own limited understanding of bisexuality.

NOTE: Contrary to the “equally heterosexual/equally homosexual” rating/level noted Kinsey scale-1on the Kinsey Scale, factually, most (if not all) bisexual people do not base their sexual attractions and emotions on a level that clear and cut. Although there is some closeness to an even or equal attraction to both genders, most bisexual people lean more towards being straight than gay while others lean more towards being gay than straight.

Hypocrisy: How Quickly Some in the LGBT Community Forget
Frankly, I find it appalling, if not downright hypocritical, for any gay person to declare with so-called certainty and based only on their closed-minded “expert opinions”, that there is no one who is truly bisexual. How quickly some in the LGBT community seem to forget that for generations (long before the majority of people reading this were born), that there were many people, including some medical doctors, psychiatrists and religious leaders who years ago (as some do now), challenged the very existence of homosexuality. They said, “Homosexuality is considered to be a choice and a lifestyle by some people”, adding that: “it is simply unnatural for anyone to be a homosexual, for it opposes the grand design of God and Nature”. They also said they don’t believe anyone can be born gay or can have same-sex attractions and desires. There are people today who still believe as their forefathers and who continue to promote and preach that everyone is born heterosexual…”just as God intended”.

Now you can understand that whenever I hear someone, particularly a gay person, express doubts and objections to the existence of bisexuality, I have to take a stand, as I know well the history of bigotry in this country and throughout the world. I’m willing to give the same argument of similar historical fact regarding the beliefs about homosexuality when it comes to defending the existence of bisexuality.

It’s Not Your Sexuality; How Could You Ever Understand?
People who are not bisexual would not understand the attractions and desires or the thought processes, emotions and feelings of a bisexual person any more than those who are heterosexual could ever understand those of a homosexual. No one is an expert on the sexuality of another person, particularly since sexuality, human or otherwise is – as stated before – fluid…on so many levels!

With this argument, and history on my side, need I say more about the existence of bisexuality? I said it earlier but it bears repeating: People are who they are; with each person having his or her own unique, if not often strange, attractions and desires, sexual or otherwise. Let people be who they are and fuck the damn labels!

Keepin’ It…REAL!

14 thoughts on “Does Bisexuality Exist?

  1. Good morning from a cold section of the UK!

    It is sad that even today people are still denying the existance of bisexuality. Although people are still denying the existance of gay too so it shouldn’t be such a huge surprise really.

    I spent 10 years in same sex relationships but even then I still had the attraction to men. It was easier to define as a lesbian, for everyone concerned. My head however was always bisexual.

    Currently (and I don’t see it changing and I hope it doesn’t) I am in a monogamous relationship with a man, a man I hope to marry and have children with. Does this make me any less bisexual? Hell no! He appreciates me for who I am, not who I have slept with.

    The saddest thing is that “biphobia” seems to be most aggressive among the gay community. Lesbians seem to be less accepting of bi women, seeing them as outsiders, as “tourists” who only want to experiment. Bi men also seem to have a rough time…although it would be inappropriate of me to comment further on a situation I have no direct knowledge of.

    I took the Kinsey test and scored a perfect 3…equal. And that is just what bisexuals are – equal.

    Loving your blog, looking forward to reading more.

    • Thank you for reading the article and for sharing your thoughts, my sister. I appreciate the comments! Yes, as you noted, it IS sad – and sadder still that many gays and lesbians deny our existence too! How do you get someone – straight or gay – to believe and to understand that there are people who can – and do – have emotional, psychological and physical attractions to both genders? Do people not realize that few things in existence are absolute or inflexible, particularly as it pertains to human sexuality?
      And so, the fight continues! Let us continue to let all people be whomever they say they are, AS they are and FOR WHOM they feel, especially on the sexual tip (and dropping the labels too) and perhaps more of the walls of stereotype and ignorance will come crumbling down!
      Thank you for your readership from “over the pond”! 🙂

  2. Great article Robfather!! I’m so glad I decided to read your blog…it helped to put some of my curiosity to rest.

  3. RobFather we are both aware of how narrow and limited some people are, can be or simply choose to be esp. as it pertains to certain “hot button topics” ie sexuality, spirituality, religion. I’ve personally found it futile and frustrating to attempt to explain to, share, discuss with, or interact with people who are not willing or open to expansion, enlightenment or discussion which could possibly broaden their scope of knowledge. I have nothing but sheer awe, admiration and respect for your “liberated” style and manner of pontificating. Peace, Love and Blessings as ever my spiritual and esteemed brother.

    • Thank you, Ted. The effort of of talking/writing about things that many don’t feel comfortable with, continues!

  4. Of course it exists. Anyone who disputes it is just silly. I actually had a convo with a man who said he was an out gay man but desired and still got down with women. When I told him he was bi he got mad lol and said I’m Gay! I was like calm the fuck down, lol.

  5. Great writing, RobFather!! I wish more writers were as clear and insightful on the topic as you are here. This resonates for me. Being a bisexual man, while I know that it is distinctly different than being heterosexual or homosexual, I didnt quite FEEL it as much as I did when I read your words…”Bisexuals are neither completely heterosexual nor completely homosexual.”

    For some reason that really resonated for me today. Its so true. When people tell me Im really gay, I think of all the women Ive loved deeply. When they tell me Im straight, I think of all the beautiful men who have made me giddy with love, desire, and sexual pleasure, like a school kid with his head swimming in the clouds. There is absolutely no way for me to be either of those, and if bisexuals do not exist, well, someone had better begin doing some more research to come up with the term to identify this…cause its been a looooooong time coming, and it aint even close to an experiment.

    • Thank you for the comment, Moore!
      Yes, exactly, I’m glad the post had an effect on you. I hope it does on many others who read it who also might want to understand bisexuality more and/or who might be struggling with issues concerning bisexuality. Bisexuality is not as complicated as some people think or makes it out to be. It is very real! That is why I wrote the article. As I pointed out, I don’t profess to know all there is to know about any sexual orientation. I don’t think anyone does. But I can – and do – speak of that which I happen to know from personal observation, talking with peers, education and of course my own personal experience. I intend to write more about this issue and sexuality in general, sometime in the near future. Stay tuned!

  6. PS: BRAVO on such a well-written, insightful and broad blog post! It should be recommended reading on the subject.

  7. “I say, let people be who they are and fuck the damn labels!” YOU SAID IT ALL!
    Even the people who profess to be bisexual are trying to assume a label. It seems like somebody somewhere tried to persuade us that there was either heterosexuality and homosexuality with nothing in-between (and you had to be one or the other). And as you know, there are those who still refuse to acknowledge homosexuality as legitimate and healthy. Sexuality is as fluid as water; it can run every which way. The “gays” just want everybody to be gay – that’s why they say bisexual people are confused homosexuals who just haven’t figured it out yet. They’re probably pissed because bisexuals actually do appear to have a “choice” in the matter that they don’t have. Heterosexuals want everybody to CHOOSE one thing or another because they only have one current running and they’re tired of trying to understand anything different. But the older I get, the more I’ve found that they’ve all tried to fool us because nobody is 100% one thing – WHETHER THEY KNOW IT OR NOT! Put them in the right set of circumstances and we’ll see exactly who’s who and what.

  8. You took the words right out of my mouth. I completely agree. I find it very hypocritical for gays to sit up on a judgmental pedestal and claim no one can be bisexual. They do that simply because they feel betrayed lol. A lot of gay men and lesbians tend to hate bisexuals and aren’t willing to even date them. They feel their attention would be split and they they could never fulfill all of a bisexual partners needs. Which may be true on one level. But I guess some bisexuals can turn off one side of their sexuality for the sake of their partner. (at least that’s what I’ve heard from a few self-proclaimed bisexuals) No one can answer for anyone else’s sexuality. People comdemn what they don’t understand. And people fight things which are often reflections of their own inner battles. Nice post! Keep it up.

    • Thank you for your comments, Isayaah! And for sure I definitely agree that many people condemn or fight those things they don’t understand or agree with.. Thanks again.

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