Fuck This Shit -wth middle finger (Robz Edit)*Sigh* I often think back to how much simpler and happier my life and mental attitude was before I ever got involved in social media networks like fuckin’ Facebook. I swear, sometimes it’s just not worth my mental energy and time in dealing with some of the people there. I feel like withdrawing from and/or shutting down everything I either started or had become involved with there.
Fuck it all.

Keepin’ It…REAL!

KIR: Writing and Depression

Note: This article was written July 31, 2014. It partly explains my then month-long absence from writing to this blog. It’s now been three months and some days since. In addition to what you read here, I want readers to know that I simply got interested and busy with doing other things – including directing some much-needed attention towards developing my seven-month old not-safe-for-work (NSFW) Tumblr blog featuring male erotica. This article is the first posted on Keepin’ It Real since June 26th, 2014.  With its publishing I suppose it’s safe to assume that…I’m back.
Now on to what I was feeling three months ago.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I looked at my blog drafts folder a few minutes ago. I found that there were more than 200 drafts of unfinished documents I created this year alone; all work where I’d start writing about certain things but for some reason at the last-minute, simply lost interest in finishing – or if an article was finished, I decided not to publish on my blogs.While I have told myself that I’m writing mainly for my benefit, a huge part of that simply is not true. I do indeed write blog articles, Facebook and Twitter post to inform and educate others who may not know RobFather-Xcertain things and/or to bring awareness to or about certain things. Still, it does not hide the feeling I so often get that few to almost no one really cares to read whatever it was or is I have to say; to say nothing of the fact that a number of those unfinished and unpublished documents were what some would call (and often complained) as being “too long” or “too lengthy” to read. My two-part blog article, “The Freedom of Nudity” for example, took months for me to decide to publish after I’d written and edited it. Today, according to my blog service, that article – written in mid-year 2012 but published in March 2013, is one of many of my blog articles that continues to receive a lot of hits at this blog.

Sometimes I’m encouraged to write and publish to the world. Other times I’d write a nice piece about something then just say to myself, “Fuck it”. Who the fuck is gonna read all of this – let alone bother to appreciate it?” It’s often that attitude for why I don’t blog as often as a blogger “should” or is “expected” to blog. It’s also why sometimes I post “lengthy” things on my Facebook page, although I fully realize that many people on Facebook do not like reading anything which has more than three to four sentences. I call those people “lazy and discriminatory readers”. For example, on Facebook I’ve found that if certain things related to something sexual does not stand out or if I don’t post a picture to help attract the attention of a particular audience then some people will see my article or post but won’t bother to read it, read all of it or at the very least, give it a “like”. A “like” can say or mean that they at least agree right make the post, if not with my courage and willingness to express whatever is on my mind, even if they disagree with point of view. Whether I have a Facebook or blog published article, often the evidence of people not reading my work is determined by the type of follow-up questions someone asks or comments they give about topic I wrote about. Sofa-thinking-2 (rz)One can always tell if a person was paying attention to what they were reading or listening to by the response they give to certain things. As such, I can’t be easily fooled when someone tells me they’ve read my work then that same person asks me some silly question about that which was clearly discussed in the article. I also don’t appreciate when someone makes some disparaging remark about the subject matter of my article, as if perhaps expecting me to either recant my opinions or change my point of view to suit their own. Those things irritate me and it’s why I’m happy to have full control over whether to allow comments to be published on anything I write on my blogs.Much of what I write ends up becoming an exercise in writing. I’m often afraid that expressing myself in written form can be a waste of time and effort. Writing is therapeutic for my depression issues and helps offset those bad feelings when I sense a depression bout might be coming. To everyone who has read this far, thanks for reading. I’m good…at least for now. I’ll review what I have saved in that folder. I’ve got a shitload of started and unfinished/unpublished work in a folder from years 2013 and 2012 too but I’ll look at those later.

Depression Mood -
Right now [July 31] I am in one of my depression moods. Succinctly put, depression is a non-discriminatory mental illness disability. It comes in many forms and affects a number of people in various ways for various reasons. People should never assume that someone is imagining things when they say they are depressed. That person just might be! You also should never tell someone who admits to being depressed or whom you know is a sufferer of depression and going through a bout, that “things will get better” or “it” will get better”. BM Thinking-1No matter how good your intentions, you would sound ignorant and appear to be less helpful and insensitive to that person’s situation. For some depression sufferers, a little alone time and/or quiet is very helpful; I know that sort of thing often works for me. Patience, understanding and offers of support to do certain things are also helpful to some depression sufferers, as are conversations sprinkled with humor that bring about laughter or some memory of a pleasant and fun moment. Remember: these are just a few suggestions that can help someone suffering from some form of depression; they are not mentioned here as workable guarantees for every person in every situation.

I happen to be one of the so-called “fortunate” persons who suffers from a certain form of  depression. As healthy and strong as I so often appear and sound, I too have weaknesses. More Black men need to talk about their mental, emotional and physical weaknesses because odd as it may seem, talking about such weakness is or can also be therapeutic; it can help make that man a mentally and emotionally stronger person. I wish women understood that. Fuck…I wish more men understood it! I have suffered with intermittent depression issues since childhood. Fuck it...not feeling it day (2)For years after first being diagnosed – up until about six years ago, I lied about it and had kept it well-hidden from nearly everyone who wasn’t my doctor: family members, my spouse at the time – before, during and after our marriage, my son and a number of others whom I considered to have a genuine care for me.Today’s [July 31] bout will pass away from me soon, because you see, there are certain things I’ve since learn to do to combat my form of depression. It keeps me from always taking medication. In fact, over the last 12 or so months, I’ve intentionally avoided taking meds for depression because sometimes, strange as it sounds to you non-depression sufferers, I want to ride this out. I don’t want to become dependent on medication. It’s hard to explain and it would take much longer than this article to break it down for you. Just trust me; I got a handle on this monster; I know what I need to do to help myself. Writing is one of the therapeutic things I do…and stated earlier, I do a lot of that! Talking to myself is another. Listening to music and doing certain humorous things that make me or others laugh has also been highly effective. I’ve told people that I’m not always a serious fuck; I maintain a healthy balance of humor and seriousness. Too bad many don’t believe me for if they did I think I’d be emotionally closer to relatives, have a lot more friends – and perhaps a few more lovers, too.

Thanks for listening.

Keepin’ It…REAL!

National HIV Testing Day (2014)

Status is everything, June27 banner (re)June 27 is National HIV Testing Day.
Ok. Now there is one very important question you should ask yourself:
“When was the last time I was tested for HIV or for any other sexually transmitted disease/infection?”

I am posting the link to an article I wrote last year (2013) on National HIV Testing Day. (Click on mentions of the word “article” to read the post.) The same information therein is the same … except for one update: I got tested for HIV last month (May) and I’m again happy to report that the results of the test were negative.

Since my retirement from the military more than a decade ago, I make it a point to get tested annually for HIV in my birthday month; that way I never forget to get tested! Readers of this blog should note that in the article there is a link they should click which upon entry of their zip code they will be shown the nearest HIV and STD testing sites in their area.

I strongly encourage each person reading this blog to GO GET TESTED if they have either never been tested or have not been tested within the past year – regardless of their frequency of sexual activity – or lack thereof, over the past twelve months or so. HIV can show its effects at different times in a person life depending on that person’s physiology. In other words, just because you did not have sex in the past year does not mean that you did not get infected at some point before that. My article briefly mentions home HIV testing kits that one can buy however for many people, money is a problem. I’m not sure if one’s medical insurance will cover the cost of HIV home testing kits. Check with your insurance provider on that. NHTD-Take the Test Take ControlThe only concern I have with a person testing at home is about that person’s psychological reaction to the results of a positive test result. There is also the possibility of a person who does not carefully follow the enclosed instructions of the home HIV test kit somehow administering the test incorrectly which could yield an inaccurate test result. Many home testing kits may be “error proof” but people tend to read and perceive certain things differently. If a person is under duress or harbors some degree of fear of what might be learned from giving him/herself such a test, that person’s reading comprehension might be affected. To alleviate all that, I strongly suggest going to a free medical clinic and getting a FREE test – as noted in my article. Most clinics are now able to give you the test results in the same day. Test results are confidential. Another reason to consider going to a clinic over taking the home HIV test is that you can ask follow-up questions and address personal concerns to a doctor or nurse. However, if you opt to buy a home HIV testing kit then please – take your time and read the enclosed test administering instructions very carefully!!

Whenever it comes to personal health I often tell people – particularly men but most especially BLACK men – since statistically many men do not like to visit the doctor, that NO QUESTION OR CONCERN IS STUPID, DUMB OR ODD. I tell them that if it pops in your head PUT ASIDE PRIDE and EMBARRASSMENT and MAKE THAT QUESTION/CONCERN KNOWN to the physician or nurse practitioner trained in that area to address those questions and concerns. People can save themselves a host of worry and assumptions about their health condition when they speak up. Furthermore, if anyone has a doubt about what they have been told by their physician they should simply ask for a second opinion. Usually when it comes to HIV and/or STD testing the result is accurate and no immediate second testing is needed. However nothing prevents a person from requesting a second test or going to another clinic to get retested. That decision is up to the individual.

Bottom line readers: You must be satisfied and understand the results of any medical test that’s been given. You should carefully listen to and consider the advice of your doctor or nurse regarding preventive measures for your continued good health or regarding future care for health that has been compromised.

Read more in my articles National HIV Testing Day and this article from 2012 which sheds some awareness about the high rate of Black men being infected by HIV. Click here for links to websites that provide more information about HIV/AIDS and other STDs and about testing of HIV/AIDS and other STDs.

One last thing: My man Octavius Williams over at Cypher Avenue.com wrote an excellent article you all should read called: National HIV Testing Day: Who Cares? (click the title to access) The brother was on point! Too bad both his and perhaps my message are being ignored – or will be ignored by so many people – particularly by those who are already infected with HIV who should be helping to promote this day/event AND by others who have NEVER BEEN TESTED for HIV, by those who are AFRAID TO BE TESTED or worse, by those who HAVE NO PLANS to ever get tested! It’s very sad that each year, more and more people care less about things/events like this as more and more people get infected with such a terrible disease or some other STD.

Status is Everything (2)

Now go get tested. That’s right: “Take the test, take control!”

Keepin’ It…REAL!

Black, Bisexual, Nude and Proud!

RobFather-X (201206)It’s been over a year since I’ve written anything related to the topic of personal nudity. Well, let me correct that: I did in fact write an article on nude sleeping a while back but that article was just about the pleasant and healthy beneficial aspects of sleeping naked! Not to dismiss nude sleeping but generally when I speak about living life as a nudist, I’m talking about being up and about in one’s home, yard, hotel room or better yet, outside in nature … being completely clothes-free for the most or some great part of your day. I’ll talk a little more about that as this article unfolds! Also, this September will mark a year since I affirmed (not “came out”) in this blog what many readers either already knew or had suspected: that not only am I a proud nudist and naturist but also bisexual. I’ll explain why that was important to mention later. Keep reading.

Now please note: the things you read in this articles and in the embedded links to other articles are unapologetic and shameless in nature. They are a mere fraction of who I, RobFather-X, am as a person. While I am reasonably and sensibly discreet when necessary, I have no fear or hesitation in ever holding candid discussions with open-minded people who genuinely want to learn and understand more about the man I am nor do I harbor feelings of awkwardness or shame in discussing certain aspects regarding nudism, sexuality or my sexual orientation. Before continuing on, read more about me in the recent biographical blog article titled, At 54, I’m Confident. Class. Sexy. Kool!

As a Black man in America the issues of nudism RobFather-X armpit, nipple barbell (20140313) rvand sexuality are two of many such subjects that are important to me, especially considering that there are many in my particular ethnicity that are either reluctant or ashamed to openly discuss such topics – let alone want to hear of masculine Black men such as myself expressing themselves so openly and honestly. There are many in my ethnicity that deny or do not subscribe to the belief (the fact!) that bisexuality is for example, a legitimate and very real sexual orientation. Then there are those particular people in my ethnicity who somehow believe that one cannot be Black, masculine, bisexual and an alpha male, all rolled into one spirit, person and form. Well, many of those people have met me and still won’t accept what’s in front of their eyes when I tell them the truth. Knowing how some of my people think and feel the way they do, I make every effort to be among the many Black men like me who work to break through the narrow-minded, uneducated, prejudiced, stereotypical and limited mode of thinking of not just those people in my particular ethnicity but of everyone!

If you are a regular reader of Keepin’ It…REAL! and my other articles blog, Masculine Perspectives, (click title to access) and/or follow me on Facebook, Google+ and Twitter, then you already know that in every article I’ve written and in every status post or comment I make that’s related either to nudism or sexuality or those written specifically expressing my support regarding certain LGBT issues – particularly those concerning bisexuality, you can see there is a clear indicator of my pride in having some involvement – no matter how small, in and with such things.

The Freedom of Nudity – Revisited
A revealing look into my thinking and personal experiences as a practicing proud nudist is plainly laid out in my well-read 2-part blog article from early 2013 simply titled, The Freedom of Nudity. In that article I talk candidly about my love of nudism and my preference for being a nudist. A major work covering personal experiences, the article took me about four months to write then about another two for me to give very careful consideration as to whether I wanted such intimate details about me and my nudist desires published to the world. I felt very passionate about the subject and had so much to share that rather than leave parts out, I split the nearly twelve-page article down into four parts for publishing, then down to three and finally down into the now existing two-part article. RobFather-X (20130801)-1I encourage you to read The Freedom of Nudity if you are maturely and genuinely curious in learning and understanding more about my thinking on nudism or if you simply have interests or concerns about practicing nudism yourself either during part of your day or all day long – as you feel comfortable with doing while in the privacy of your home, dorm, hotel room (if travelling) or outside in the privacy of your [privacy fenced] yard.

Being naked gives me a certain sense of psychological, sensual and sexual freedom that is often hard to describe to someone who does not normally enjoy or prefer to be nude when at home, around a lover or committed relationship partner – outside of sexual relations, or with other adult members of the same gender. Such freedom is often hard to explain to people who have puritan beliefs that the human physical form was always meant to be covered or clothed and that exposure of one’s genitals is an anathema to the very Deity – if there be any, who created them. Such freedom is difficult to explain to people who think and/or believe that the naked human body – as an object of sexuality, is suggestive and/or a cause of provocation of sexual desire from someone of the opposite or same gender whenever it is seen or known to be naked. I’m here to say that is not always necessarily the case. After you’ve read The Freedom of Nudity –Part 1 and Part 2, I invite you to click the blog article titles in the list below to learn more about the normal, healthy and fun things that one can enjoy simply by being nude:
Note: Each article written/published in 2013 unless otherwise noted)

Should you are consider becoming what I call a “hardcore nudist” – one who doesn’t have any psychological or emotional hang-ups or apprehensions about personal appearance nor care about what one’s roommates or adult fellow house guests might think or say regarding your choosing to be nude, then I urge you to always remember these words of mine:
RobFather-XTrue freedom of nudity means your nudism is always about you! Being naked is sensual and sexual but nudity is not about sex. One’s nakedness does not mean or imply that sexual activity will or ever has to occur – especially without your consent. Generally, being nude should always make one feel safe and sexy without necessarily feeling the need to give into satisfying the sexual desires of one’s self or those of a partner – unless of course, you want to.

Pride in Being Black and Bisexual
I could go into some long dissertation about bisexual pride – my pride. Rather than do that, I’d prefer keep it short and to the point. All one has to do read the following statement carefully:

When I look in the mirror I’m both happy and blessed to see a Black, masculine, strong, sexy alpha male looking back at me. That man has the masculine appearance, walk, talk, sound, pheromones and the sexual experience, sensuality and confident swagger expected of an intelligent, positive-thinking, life-experienced, masculine Black man. All of that seems to get better as I get older and wiser. Black, male, bisexual, proudThe carefully watchful eyes and listening ears of men and women I know and those I will meet can very safely assume that I am the same man with the same sexual swagger whenever I am with either gender in the bedroom! Fuck yeah!

So there you go, readers: a revisit and consolidated look at my shameless pride in being a practicing nudist and naturist and in my being a Black, masculine, bisexual man. Few realize this about bisexual people but for me, one of the huge enjoyable benefits in being bisexual is that I never have to think, act or pretend to be anyone else but myself in any given sexual or non-sexual environment or situation. Fuck, this is who I am and it all feels so natural! I feel sensuous, sexually and spiritually free; a man with options – gender-wise, guided by the natural attractions, emotions and feelings of his sexual orientation towards women or men, as the case may be. There exists no reason for me to ever feel ashamed or to hide who I am. I’m simply…me; and I’m very proud of the me’ that I am!

Freedom: Living in My Truth
Before I end this article, I present portions of lyrics taken from a favorite song of mine by pop recording artist, George Michael. The song is called “Freedom” and while I’ve never be told otherwise, when I first heard it some twenty-four years ago, I’d always logically assumed that it was Michael’s public “coming out [as gay]” anthem. I still think that way because for me, it describes my desire to tell the world of my bisexual orientation so I could just live in my truth. However, at the time I’d just married a heterosexual woman to whom – for a number of reasons (one of which you’ll see shortly), I had not been fully opened about my sexuality due to my being in the middle of a twenty-year military career. TRUTH & LGBTThe year 1990 was – for the United States military, a time when telling or admitting to anyone you were gay – let alone bisexual, meant losing security clearances, certain military job specialties where those clearances were required, and getting punishment and dishonorably discharged under the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ). The UCMJ is the military law under which all U.S. servicemen are subject. Therefore in order to keep my job, continue to support myself and family, finish a career I had already honorably served well for more than ten years and had come to deeply love, I decided to keep my sexual orientation a secret from military authorities as well as from my spouse and family for another decade until I retired from the military. Due to certain other personal issues I would decide to hold on to the revelation of my sexual orientation for nearly another decade. Holding on to such a secret from many of the people I loved during my teen years on though to near middle-age was not particularly desirable yet both private and military life had trained me well in the skills of holding back information without necessarily lying and how to keep secrets, therefore I was able to manage.

RobFather-X  profile (1)I suspect that I may be harshly judged for the decisions I made when certain people read this article. I ask that those particular persons not judge me … only because they do not know and possibly may never understand my full life’s story or the unique circumstances which I was under that gave cause and reasoning for making such decisions. The rest is history; some of which is clearly and openly laid out in this article. In the past several years, I’ve since divorced, raised a fine son and have been determined to live shamelessly in my truth for the rest of my life.

As mentioned, these portions of lyrics taken from the song Freedom sums up my truth nicely. Since its release I’ve sung along to Freedom many times over the years with doubtfully no one ever suspecting that it was my adopted “coming out” anthem. (Thank you, George Michael!) I post the portions of the lyrics here with a hope that it may inspire others to also come to live in their truth  – whether that truth be in nudism, naturism or sexual orientation, and to be proud when doing so! (The complete lyrics to the song Freedom is here.)
bi pride color barFreedom
I won’t let you down
I will not give you up
I won’t let you down
So please don’t give me up
Because I would really, really love to stick around

I think there’s something you should know
I think it’s time I told you so
There’s something deep inside of me
There’s someone else I’ve got to be
Take back your picture in a frame
Take back your singing in the rain
I just hope you understand
Sometimes the clothes do not make the man

All we have to do now
Is take these lies and make them true somehow
All we have to see
Is that I don’t belong to you
And you don’t belong to me
Freedom (freedom) (freedom)
You’ve gotta give for what you take
….today the way I play the game has got to change
Now I’m gonna make myself happy

I’ll hold on to my freedom
May not be what you want from me
Just the way it’s got to be
Lose the face now
I’ve got to live

*Portions of lyrics taken from Freedom, by written and recorded by George Michael from the Listen Without Prejudice album (1990).
bi pride color barKeepin’ In…REAL!

© RobFather-X! Productions 2014

Rest in Peace, Maya Angelou.

Maya Angelou

Rest in Peace, Maya Angelou.
I am blessed that your work was required reading in my childhood home and in my elementary and high school days. Thank you for your many, many generous contributions of class, talent and wisdom – not just to our shared ethnicity of people but to the world!

Learn more about the life of this extraordinary woman here:
Click here to see a list of her written work.

*NOTE: If links fail to load or work that may be due to the heavy influx of other people trying to access the sites at the same time. Try using another browser or be patient and try again later.

Keepin’ It…REAL!